What a Life !
How frustrating it could be sometimes, just thinking of your existence.
At times you wish you could just vanish from life without notice and everything remains normal like nothing happened, like you never existed. You don't want your family, friends, well wishers and acquaintances to mourn you or ever get to feel bad or feel like they lost someone, don't want to put anyone in distress but you know this isn't possible. Yet again, you feel bad at this same thought, feeling like you never even truly mattered to anyone initially. So, you just might try not minding their emotions and leaving anyway.
And then again, you wish never to find yourself anywhere else if you leave, never want to be in existence again at all, no spirit world, no roaming in the current world as a spirit being, don't want to know what happens or will be happening after you've gone. Like just somehow wishing there was never you or never once you.
You just want to go without feeling any pain, not being killed by anyone, not dying of illness, not having to commit suicide but leaving the world somehow eventually.
Tired of living in fear (of either what happens next, what or when would be the end,...), confusion on how to live right (whether or not you're living right), low self esteem, feeling like you were not even supposed to be in existence at all because you don't have what it takes to live, like you're not capable. And then again you find yourself having thoughts/questions like, "Am I being self-centred? Isn't it selfish of me to want an end already? Isn't this a waste of my parents' & family's time & resources?
Also, "if the creator knew all about His creation even from the start, why then did he still create me? Or could it be that the capability is in I but you can't see it?
Thus, this gives you a reason to try to continue living, to want to live your best until you find that strength that is somewhere in you, while at the same time exhibiting the strength already but still haven't realised it. 😊
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